They're all over Blogger: stay-at-home moms who love to cook, clean, knit, pray, etc and blog about their precious toddler's bowel movements. And the thing is they seem to be fulfilled. I'm thinking they were the little girls who could not wait to become a mommy someday. The ones who had no qualms about dropping everything to raise a family and maintain a semi-orderly household. The ones with a running list of baby names and a collection of meatloaf recipes.
That, my friends, is so not moi.
Now I'm not knocking that life choice, but I must also admit that I don't understand it one bit. When I read or hear about their life I think to myself, "But don't you want something more? Something...for you? What happens when the kids grow up and leave? Oh let me guess: grandchildren."
My mom became a SAHM after my sister was born and I really wish she hadn't. I appreciate the sacrifices she made to make sure we had what we needed around the house, but it made me realize that I want more for myself than the routine she chose. I wish she still had that passion she must have had when she first came to the States and managed to work and get around the city without knowing the language. In a way, it feels like family life came along and she just settled into it without pursuing any other interests she might have had. And when your whole life is centered around your children, letting them spread their wings and fly can be a bit...tough.
I don't want to settle and I sure don't want to put my life on the back burner for my children. Yes, I will still love and support them, but how can I encourage them to pursue their dreams if I don't go for mine? I want a change of scenery, talk to adults, challenge my mind, miss my kids and have them miss me. If I become a cooped up mom, I'd just turn into an unsatisfied ticking time bomb. Like my dad says, "First me, second me, third me and then you. If I'm not ok, then how can I help you?"
I've got things to do in this life and marriage and children are definitely a part of it, but not all. Lord knows I'm not paying back these student loans to do nothing but raise kids and bake bread all day. And if this economy doesn't pick up soon, everyone in my household is going to need to bring home some bacon. The kids can sell their artwork on eBay.
Images: annetaintor.com